My life as it stands

Today, I am 1194 days away from freedom. 

About 980 days ago, I returned to the place of my birth, after three years of independence, of solitude, and of pain. About 400 days ago, I broke the chains tying me to a life of dissatisfaction and complacency. Ever since then I’ve been searching for myself, who I am, who I was, who I will be. Many things I still don’t know, but this I do: that I do not yet belong. 

Travel to me, now, is my way to keep my life moving forward. By circumstances not of my choosing, but entirely consequent of my choices, my life is stagnant. So while holding down my full-time job, this is my attempt to make sense of the world. 

One huge milestone in my life came sometime in June last year. Tired of studying for an exam (which I eventually failed, and got over surprisingly quickly), I booked a trip to Bangkok, on my own, for the week after. I think that ranks up there as one of the craziest things I’ve done in my life; the last time I travelled alone, March 2009, I did not last my two days in Hamburg. Now I was going to make a trip to Bangkok, where I did not speak a word of Thai, where I knew to be messy, gritty, confusing. I had a blast. 

In 14 days I return to Bangkok. In time I want to look back and know that despite my circumstances, I have lived life the best I could. So here it is, my life as it stands.